Saturday, August 14, 2010

A message board thread regarding my blog

The following thread was a result of a question I posted on a site.....

Today 9:02 PM
ME

@doug - I will be reporting on those other sites that are out there. Those sites that followed in the footsteps of MH and A4A. MH and A4A are the two biggest and most influential sites.

8/11/2010 8:48 AM
Doug

Or maybe at sites that SPECIFICALLY cater to those that want to engage in unsafe behavior. They ARE out there.

8/11/2010 8:47 AM 7
Doug

Perhaps your "passion" would be better directed towards the people that are choosing to engage in risky sexual behavior, instead of at the websites they choose to patronize

8/11/2010 8:45 AM
Doug

Again, Kevin- no offense, but your "bitterness" is actually quite clear in the way you post on here and in your blog- even a blind person would be able to pick up on it.

8/11/2010 8:44 AM
Doug

"they didn't fall to the traps of any websites, Kevin. they simply disregarded the common sense they should have held on to."

8/11/2010 4:20 AM
Raymond

"(but in fact they are pressured, to try a drug for the first time, have unsafe sex for the first time, some people may stick their ground, but most will cave into the pressure)"

forgive the brutal honesty, Kevin, but that's their own fucking fault.

this isn't 4th grade. if you give in to peer pressure and blame it for your bad decision making then you have no business using the internet unsupervised.

8/11/2010 4:09 AM
Raymond

@Kevin , until you prove with empirical evidence that hiv infections are up BECAUSE manhunt ads and manhunt-esque sites are THE REASON THAT GUYS ARENT USING CONDOMS then you are nothing more than a fox news style liar.

sorry. this is a reality.

nothing you're saying has anything to do with anything else. manhunt isn't the reason guys don't get tested. manhunt isn't the reason people don't disclose their status. manhunt isn't the reason you didn't wear a condom.

i've been on manhunt. why didn't i get HIV? i didn't even get CRABS!

if this was the pre-digital age, you'd be out there suing bars for serving booze, and being at gay men who were "so hot you didn't want to ruin your chances by making them wear a condom"

again, i have sympathy for your situation. but i am completely against this moronic time-wasting witch hunt you're on.

the sites aren't catalysts for anything.
would you sue someone who set you up on a blind date with a guy who ended up fucking you without protection and giving you HIV?

you are taking no responsibility. you're blaming a site. this is ludicrous.

what's the difference between me meeting guy from THIS site for sex and me meeting a guy from manhunt?

how about facebook? i totes got laid from facebook.

8/10/2010 11:06 PM
ME

@Matt with all due respect - those ads are not contributing to a rise in hiv infections in the heterosexual community.

8/10/2010 11:03 PM
ME

@Matt I like connexion - I wish more people would join. They do an excellent job at filtering out the crap you see on these other sites. I refer to them as the facebook for gays. I think there reputation has been remarkable. The sites like MH and A4A are sites of yesteryear, trying to hold on. They will not last....

8/10/2010 11:00 PM
ME

@Matt - my responses are in parenthesis

1) Make it very easy for HIV+ to disclose their status in a non-awkward when they are looking for sex (people either don't know their status, or lie about it) Do a search in your city and see how many people actually have positive listed in their profile, compare it to the negative results).

2) Make it easy for HIV+ to find each other or find people mature enough to handle sex with a person who is HIV+ (this site is about sex, it is not your typical social networking site, nor is it a supportive group forum to talk about such issues.) Check out poz personals instead.

3) Make it easy for people to talk about what they will and will not do so they don't feel pressured later (but in fact they are pressured, to try a drug for the first time, have unsafe sex for the first time, some people may stick their ground, but most will cave into the pressure)

4) Make it easy for certain people to avoid HIV+ people from the get-go so that HIV+ people don't have to deal with their prejudice later (but people are not disclosing properly anyways - it's a moot point) - did you mean HIV - in the first part?

5) Make it easy to announce that you look for safe sex only (yet those that do not know there status will still contact you, condoms break, people give into unsafe sex practices)

6) Make it easy to find someone who wants safe sex only (not a bunch of that happening on these sites)

7) Make it easy to avoid people who you can tell by their profiles are not being safe (again, people lie in their profiles)

8) Make it easy to think of sex as something you want and should have rather than something to be ashamed of (shame leads to risky behaviors) - (most people are ashamed when even mentioning MH - "as if anyone would go on that site to hook up)."

9) Make it easier to find people who want to fool around but don't want anal sex (you'll waste 12 hours of your day - not finding what you are looking for then)

10) Have Q&A sections where people can ask an expert about HIV or health issues (as if this is clicked on much)

11) Promote healthy conversations about sex because a picture of your cock breaks the ice (I don't have much to say about this one)

12) Stop people from calling each other whores because you can clearly see that everyone is on that site. (true)

8/10/2010 8:59 PM
Matt

Oh, also, the presence of Manhunt means that far fewer people will be messaging you for random hookups on Connexion. Manhunt started getting big where I lived when I was about 20-21, and the number of people who used this site for sex dropped of significantly that year.

8/10/2010 8:58 PM
Matt

I am a BIG FAN of Manhunt and sites like that when it comes to HIV safety and health. They are excellent ways to slow the spread of HIV because they:

1) Make it very easy for HIV+ to disclose their status in a non-awkward when they are looking for sex
2) Make it easy for HIV+ to find each other or find people mature enough to handle sex with a person who is HIV+
3) Make it easy for people to talk about what they will and will not do so they don't feel pressured later
4) Make it easy for certain people to avoid HIV+ people from the get-go so that HIV+ people don't have to deal with their prejudice later
5) Make it easy to announce that you look for safe sex only
6) Make it easy to find someone who wants safe sex only
7) Make it easy to avoid people who you can tell by their profiles are not being safe
8) Make it easy to think of sex as something you want and should have rather than something to be ashamed of (shame leads to risky behaviors)
9) Make it easier to find people who want to fool around but don't want anal sex
10) Have Q&A sections where people can ask an expert about HIV or health issues
11) Promote healthy conversations about sex because a picture of your cock breaks the ice
12) Stop people from calling each other whores because you can clearly see that everyone is on that site.

I'm a real-world person with real-world solutions to dealing with sexuality... puritanism has always pushed people towards unhealthy choices. Having a fuller range of choices allows people to take the best steps towards keeping themselves safe.

What do you think now that you find out how little gay people approve of your approach? Does it make you think of choosing another one?

8/10/2010 6:52 PM
ME

@Roland - I agree with you. Let's see their money coming in and money going out to help the cities they are biggest in and in the cities with the highest rates of HIV infection - what are they sponsoring in the community to promote healthy behaviors? A simple nondescript link to health information is not enough!

8/10/2010 6:48 PM
ME

and for those who are annoyed with my blog - it's your right to be. You read it though, and that is all the satisfaction I need. That someone is reading this stuff, whether you agree with it or not.


8/10/2010 6:45 PM
ME

@Aaron - thanks for your nudge of support. I had to look up the word puritanical and found that it means: very strict in moral or religious matters, often excessively so; rigidly austere. I think it is right to be so when the health and welfare of others is at stake.

I agree with you on the education aspect, as I am putting together a project revolving around Education and Awareness.

8/10/2010 6:41 PM
ME

@DJBryan - I make no money off of my blog. I do this out of passion. It looks like yours is music. Stick with it - your passion will take you far!

8/10/2010 6:40 PM
ME

And to those who have posted video clips. Speak on the issue instead. Intelligence and understanding surrounding such an issue is important, and a healthy debate is always welcomed.

8/10/2010 6:38 PM
ME

and taking that last point into consideration. If every 9 1/2 minutes (cdc) a new HIV infection in the USA is occurring. Then quite possibly 160 members of site 1 and site 2 alone are being infected in a 24 hour period. Given the current CDC statistic that 53 percent of new HIV infections are from Male to Male contact.

8/10/2010 6:28 PM
ME

@Raymond I am not bitter. Believe it or not I am not even a "fighting" person. I am a nice guy, but for 10 years I was part of this online sub-culture. I witnessed some good, but mostly bad. Is it MH fault that a member in NYC was murdered from an online hook up that went bad? Is it craigslist fault that 6 prostitutes were murdered by a craigslist member. NO! I get that. Do not let the issue get off topic here. We are dealing with a Public Health Crisis not seen since the 80's. Young gay/bi sexual men are getting roped into these sites every day, and every 9 1/2 minutes a new infection is occurring. These sites are the big contributors to the increase in HIV, as these sites laugh all the way to the bank.

8/10/2010 6:18 PM
ME

and @Raymond bring on the active opposition. I am ready for it. I knew this would happen. For too long these sites have been able to run "business as usual" as the rates of infection among young gay/bi sexual men continue to climb. We are not dealing with the same level of crisis in the heterosexual community. Those numbers are continually on the decline. Currently there are 125,000 people online between site 1 and site 2. Did you know the CDC statistics that 20 % of people do not know their status? So, right now b/w these two sites we have about 25,000 people unaware of their status. I get your point and others that a site cannot be held responsible for someone catching HIV - but these sites sure are the catalysts and contributing to the increase we keep seeing year after year. Someone has got to hold these sites accountable.

8/10/2010 6:11 PM
ME

@raymond and anyone else. Your right manhunt is NOT the reason I got HIV. I do and have stated numerous times throughout my blog entries that I TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY ACTIONS. I get the whole freedom of speech and press issue. This is not about peoples rights, it's about peoples health. And....Raymond - where have I LYED as you say? I will work tirelessly and spend every dime to bring these sites into Public Opinion. If prostitution is illegal on the streets of NYC, should it be a safe haven for those who wish to pursue this conduct online?

8/10/2010 5:05 PM
Aaron

Agree with Roland - there's room for constructive criticism of Manhunt et al, but your moralizing, puritanical critique is not it.

(Gay men are horny and will pursue quick easy hookups with or without Manhunt. The important thing is to ensure that safe sex education is there.)

8/10/2010 1:13 PM
Raymond

they didn't fall to the traps of any websites, Kevin. they simply disregarded the common sense they should have held on to.

but you're right, this 'advocating' that you're doing IS a waste of time. a profound waste of time. a complete waste of time. a profoundly wasteful waste of time.

manhunt is not the reason you have HIV.

8/10/2010 1:04 PM
ME

I will respond to my fans later today when I have 20 minutes free from wasting all of my day today advocating for young vulnerable adults who fall into the traps of these websites. And when I can break away from a simultaneous project I am working to bring education and awareness to the most at risk gay men across the country. I appreciate your replies and look forward to debating them later.

8/10/2010 10:48 AM
Raymond

even worse, Kevin, is that you have pathetically stooped to the Faux News level of LYING in order to make your 'argument'.

for that you should actually be ashamed of yourself.

8/10/2010 8:18 AM
Doug

No offense, but you REALLY should consider seeking counseling to address the bitterness you currently feel before it affects your health further.

8/10/2010 8:17 AM
Doug

Kevin, while I can understand your anger and frustration regarding your situation, I have to agree with what Raymond said. Sure, my ex is a schmuck for lying to me about his status, but (ultimately) I have to own up to MY own poor judgement by not wearing a condom when I topped him (yes, even tops can catch HIV)

8/10/2010 7:41 AM
rob

@steven - thank you for saying what I was thinking.

8/10/2010 7:30 AM
Steven

Your blog annoys me greatly.
8/10/2010 6:01 AM
DJBryan

Kevin just posted this so he could find a way to sell advertising on his blog and make a bit of change. He doesn't care what we think, obviously he references Verizon, which is so abstract I don't even know whether to support him or call him a moron.

But again, he doesn't care, this is about stats, lots of people click the link, he can say he has 50 people per day, so someone will pay him to put shit up on his blog and pay him.

Sad really.

8/10/2010 3:48 AM
Roland

I'm kind of ambivalent toward Manhunt's ad. We have freedom of speech and press in this country and while the ad is suggestive, it's not pornographic per se. My only critique of the ad is that I'd like to see more promotion of safe sex from sites like Manhunt. An additional picture of some kind of condom would have gone nicely there in the ad, along with a red ribbon and perhaps an 800 number for an AIDS crisis line (or drug rehab). I'm not in any way, shape or form implying that manhunt is responsible for decisions that people make, but I think that a site like Manhunt, especially renting all that space, can help our community by being more pro-active toward community issues as opposed to STRICTLY a capitalist perspective, which is what that ad represents. The ad is hot and sexy. In my opinion, it would have been twice as hot and sexy if it would have included some community advocacy message(s).

Another message they could co-sponsor is putting a number for help for gay teens who get kicked out of their homes, or suicide hotlines. It wouldn't detract from the ad at all, but it would have added a lot of class to the Manhunt brand...just my opinion.

8/10/2010 3:38 AM
Raymond

Kevin, not only do I disagree with your stance, I'll actively oppose it.

You have my sympathies and understanding for your struggle with dealing with your diagnoses. But I will not join you, nor support you, in blaming others for your own decision making.

No website can tell you to take drugs. No website can tell you to not use a condom. The website is not to blame for your decisions you made, nor for the consequences you're living with from those decisions.

No poster of sexy guys can be blamed for you not using protection, nor using drugs.
What next, are you going to blame bars because alcohol "makes people lose their inhibitions, sexually?" Or blaming attractive men for being attractive and making you want to disregard safer-sex precautions that I assume you were already aware of?

You've brought this up a few times, and I'm truly saddened to see that you haven't taken responsibility for yourself yet.
Seriously, dude.

Everything about what you are doing is fruitless, useless, and is simply you avoiding responsibility for yourself.

If you want support in dealing with your diagnoses, you can find it. If you want others to join your illogical witchhunt, I'm here to let you know that not only are you not going to find support, you're going to find active opposition.

8/10/2010 1:01 AM
Z

@Matt LOL...wow. I guess that answers my question about wondering if sex shops or phone sex lines advertising in public places.

8/10/2010 12:58 AM
Matt

Oh, please. This kind of marketing happens in the straight world, too.

billboard_timessquare.jpg

Can we please not have another debate about trying to scrub up our image to show straight people that we're "just like them?"



8/10/2010 12:39 AM
Z

So...you seriously blame ManHunt and such sites for your drug addiction and HIV status?

That's akin to blaming high school for your cigarette addiction.

Drug abuse and unprotected, anonymous sex has been a part of gay culture for decades before computers. You don't need to do drugs to "fit in"....unless you want to "fit in" with that specific subculture, that uses drugs, and/or has unprotected, anonymous sex.

That being said, I agree with Casey et al that it is odd to see ManHunt advertised on a phone booth. Do sex shops or phone sex lines advertise on phone booths?


8/10/2010 12:33 AM
Casey

Though i agree that manhunt and all those don't promote aids and unsafe sex, i DO think it's rather odd to have as an advertisement on a phone booth.

It's just another thing that makes me think straight people have got to think of us as nothing but horn-dogs that don't give a crap about anything but having sex, i mean just look, we promote obvious hookup sites on public streets!

8/9/2010 11:29 PM
Damien

Well...in the posters defense the idea expressed in both photos is indeed a sexual one. The difference is that he may not be a gay man and know the purpose of both sites, thus not knowing that this site is much more leaned to social networking while manhunt is used for sexual gratification.

I do agree with Matt though, hook up sites aren't responsible for the lack of contraception, ignorance is.

8/9/2010 10:11 PM
Matt

I know, as if gay men didn't hook up before they found Manhunt

8/9/2010 10:05 PM
Kevin

whoever wrote the letter is also small minded, thining that these posters promote aids and all.. I mean you cannot get it from the posters, only from not being very safety conscious when it comes to ones health..i mean i would never think of having sex with anyone without being safe.. i really dont read the blogs on here.. but it seems to me, you should not worry about this too much.. because the only ones who get HIV are the ones who dont want to play safe..

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