Thursday, July 14, 2011

My rememberences of someone special

I wanted to remember you today. On a whim I flew 2,000 miles to meet you after months long online chats and phone calls. I remember booking a hotel room in case we didn't get a long. You picked me up at the airport and we immedietly clicked. That first night I met you was amazing. I cancelled my hotel. Every weekend for 6 weeks in a row I flew down to see you. I moved to be with you. My first apartment on my own. My first car. The Saturn Coupe.

I remember the small things you did to make me feel so special. The sticky notes. Your smile. Your smell. That one night. The pool. The jacuzzi.  I can taste the moment. I can feel your touch. Your hair. The one freckle on your arm. The dogs. Everyone of my birthdays. The good times and the bad. You understood me. Watched out for me. Cared for me. When I was sad, you comforted me. Your eyes - I swam in them. The first time I met your parents. Your laugh. To be in your arms again. To tell you the things I meant too say, and take away the this things I didn't mean. Amsterdamn, Frankfurt, Cologne, Australia, Mexico, the Bahamas, Portland, Vegas, New York, Boston. We did it all. Those were fun times. I learned from you.

Hamburger Marys, The Beverly Hills Cafe, and Roadhouse. Mmmm. Those peanuts on the floor. Tasty bisquits. Dairy Queen. The small one bedroom apartment we rented in the ghetto. The pink dress you bought for the dog. OMG. The purple sofa. The fake plants. White Party. Winter Party. Your year round tan.

Then your next realationship. The distance that formed between us, the sadness in my heart, the one I had loved but lost. I cared for you. I did. If I could go back i'd tell u so. I think you know now though that I did. If we met today, we'd make it.  We'd be ok. We'd grow old together. However while I take a moment to remember. I realize what's been lost and can never be made up for. I see you as a brother now. A cousin. An old friend. I was young. I was nieve. I was new to it all. Both single now, I thought of the possibilities. It's not there now though.

I know better now. I am better having met you. Someone will see what you saw in me. I will see in someone what I saw in you. Someone will see in you what I saw in you. He is out there. It not a matter of if, but when. I am ready now. I take each day in stride. I am patient, as I have always been.  I will hold my head up high, and smile. I'm still the sweet, caring, and kind 25 year old you met. Nothing or noone can take those traits away. I'm just a bit older now, and wiser. I think.

I am optimistic about my future. My new lease on life. In sickness and in health. I am on my own for now. The only thing you infected me with is love and kindness. I hope you remain negative. Please don't worry about me. I will be fine. I don't worry about the future; I dream about the possibilites that lye ahead. My dreams are not infected. You will forever occupy a space in my heart. Keep swimming! :)

I Just felt like remembering an incredible human being!

Thanks, Billy!

Love Always,



  1. oh my god. this touched me. i can so relate, to every word. the names of the cities and places may be different, but i experienced something like this and am still coping with the loss of the one i loved. I want to tell him this too.

  2. I miss my ex more than I can put in words. It was sweet reading this. My heart is sad. I wish it weren't.


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